Fast As You Can
by Ruby Sword
Summary: Still battling her evil nature, Marceline runs away from her life with Finn, and has to decide what it is she really wants.  Oneshot follow-up story to The Last Human.


**A/N: **So, this isn't a sequel, exactly, just a little follow-up piece to The Last Human, from Marceline's point of view. If you haven't read The Last Human, this story won't make a ton of sense, so I suggest you go there first. Also, I wrote most of The Last Human before season 3 of the show, and this story is set afterward, so I suppose it's very slightly AU. It's also a little more adult in nature... nothing to warrant an M rating, but it's most definitely T for good reason. You've been warned!

I don't own Adventure Time or the song Fast As You Can by Fiona Apple, but I think the lyrics are very Marceline, hence the title of this fic.

Hope you enjoy.

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><p><strong>Fast As You Can<strong>

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><p>The day I found out Rowan was coming, I ran.<p>

It was such a pitiful act, and so unlike me. Running away. As much as I hated thinking of it that way, that's what I was doing. As much as I tried to pretend that I wasn't being a coward, I knew in my heart- my stupid heart, weak and awful and _beating_- that I was. I could lie to everyone else, I could even lie to _him_, but not to myself.

Of course, that's never stopped me from trying.

I told myself that the choice I was making was better for everyone. Better for him, even if he wouldn't see it that way. Finn was still so young, so naïve. He never understood back then, when I tried to save him from the turmoil I knew a life spent with me would bring him. He didn't understand whenever I fought him, snapped at him, pushed him away. He just looked at me with hurt in his eyes and a subtly trembling chin, not understanding that just because my heart pumped now, that didn't mean I knew how to use it. Just because I didn't look like a monster anymore didn't mean that I wasn't one inside.

Things had gotten better though, and I got more comfortable in my human skin. Settled into life with him. I let him make me happy. I was happy in a way I never thought was possible for me: not serving some manipulative and ego-maniacal crap-bucket of a boyfriend, like so many of my previous attempts at relationships, but having a partner in mischief, and yes, even in heroics. We'd gone on adventures, saved people from monsters. He'd shown me that I could do some good. I even believed for a while, that if I was with him, maybe I could start to _be_ good.

Another lie I told myself.

_ You're betraying him_, a little voice scratched in the back of my mind.

I reminded myself that Finn knew the score, right from the beginning. I never promised him forever.

_But _he_ did, _the voice reminded me.

It was true, he had promised himself to me when he'd asked me to marry him. I tried to say no gently, but of course he got that wounded bunny look on his face. I told him it was too soon, he was too young, and I was still enjoying being a widow. He'd laughed at that last part, and told me he could wait, which ended the conversation, and I'd been glad to avoid telling him the truth. It wasn't a matter of not being ready, or even that my first husband had soiled the idea of marriage for me. The truth I wouldn't say out loud was that I was utterly terrified that if Finn married me, he'd grow to regret it.

I closed my eyes and pictured his face and what it would look like when he realized how long I'd been gone. Would he know I wasn't coming back? He'd probably think I was kidnapped or something, and try to come rescue me. The idiot. He'd get himself killed, or worse, he'd call my father.

Suddenly, I stopped short. _Daddy._ He would help me out of this mess. Help me disappear. Never mind that I hadn't spoken to him in over a year, since he found out about my renewed status as a member of the living. That wouldn't matter once I told him what happened. Admitted to him I was wrong. Told him I wanted my old life back. My un-life.

I sneered at the thought of swallowing my pride and admitting anything to him, picturing the satisfied I-told-you-so look he'd get on his face. Maybe I could make something up instead.

First things first though. I had to get to the Underworld.

When I reached the edge of the Ice Kingdom, I clenched my fists in anger. The boat I got for Finn a few years back, the one he always left tied up in the exact spot I was standing, was gone. I felt stupid for thinking it would still be there, even after I hadn't used it since I moved the last of my things to the tree house. The cozy little cottage nestled inside the cave hadn't been my home for a long time.

I growled in frustration. I didn't have time to find a new boat, or to go around the long way and enter the cave under the old highway. The sun was getting higher in the sky, and eventually Finn would go looking for me. He'd start at the Candy Kingdom, since he'd known that's where I went. I didn't have any reason to keep it a secret. Not before. Now I could only hope that Dr. Princess took my threat of disembowelment seriously and kept what she knew to herself. If she didn't, Finn might piece together why I didn't come home, and follow my trail. Of course, he would just think I was scared and returning to a familiar place to be alone to figure out what to do. He wouldn't think for a second that I was leaving him for good.

Without my flight, an ability I missed every day since I lost it, there was no other option. I took off my boots, balled my socks up and stuffed them inside, and jumped into the lake.

The icy water chilled me to the bone, something I wouldn't have even really felt if it weren't for my inconvenient warm-blooded disposition, but still I swam. This fragile body was constantly betraying me, doing things I didn't want it to. It got cold and hungry and thirsty and tired. Sometimes it got injured, and a few times, it even cried. I hated it.

And it wanted him. That part, the part with Finn, the wanting and the warmth and the roughness of his skin, somehow older and tougher than mine- that part I would miss. Whether it was an entirely different experience as a human, or different because it was him, I wasn't sure, but I felt drawn to him, I _craved_ him, as if being together was our natural state and any amount of space between our bodies was a colossal mistake that had to be corrected. Knowing how I could make him melt with just a touch, that was nothing new for me, but the fact that it didn't get boring, that it still thrilled me, and what was more- that he could do the same, that he could own me just as much as he belonged to me, it was something I never had before. I hated to give it up.

But if I thought about it, wanting him was what got me into this mess, so again, I loathed this body for betraying me.

By the time I got to the mouth of my old cave, my arms were aching, and my breath was ragged. Even as a human, I was strong, stronger than I let on to Finn or anyone else, but my body wasn't made for this, and I was starting to get exhausted.

Finally, my muscles burning, I reached the dock. I climbed up, caught my breath, and wrung out my clothes and my hair as much as I could before going in through the back door. A quick look around the house told me that someone had been squatting there. My first guess was L.S.P., considering she found the place so comfortable even back before I moved out. There were personal items strewn around the room casually: a pile of romantic movies, crusts of sandwiches discarded on a plate, several bottles of glitter nail polish. Definitely L.S.P. But she seemed to be out at the moment, and for that I was grateful.

Still dripping, I climbed up the ladder to my old bedroom. I had basically cleared out all of my clothes from the closet when I moved in with Finn, but I was hoping there would be something left. I was pretty sure L.S.P. didn't make a habit of wearing clothes, so I doubted that she had much use for the closet. After a few minutes of digging through brightly colored and scratchy fabric- formal dresses that she must save for special occasions- I found a dress that was wearable. It was a century old, threadbare and faded from black to gray, but it was mine, and when I stripped off my soaking wet jeans and top and put the dress on, I almost felt like my old self.

I couldn't find any dry shoes, so I removed the socks from inside of the boots I'd dragged through the lake with me and replaced them on my feet. They felt squishy and uncomfortable, but I didn't have time to dwell on it. I gathered the pile of wet clothes and shoved them hastily into the farthest corner of the closet, and threw a few blankets on top for good measure. I didn't want to leave Finn any clues to find when he came looking for me here.

I closed my eyes and sighed miserably at the thought of him. Could I really go through with this? Leave him forever? My chest ached and for a few glorious seconds I let myself imagine changing my mind. Running home to him, telling him about the impending doom I'd unwittingly brought onto us that now hung menacingly over me like black clouds on a stormy day. I imagined letting him hold me and tell me that everything would be fine, and that he loved me despite who and what I was- a terrible and selfish girl, and evil, down to my bones. Shaking my head, I opened my eyes and swallowed the lump that had begun to form in my throat. I refused to let myself get sentimental. I lived without him for more than a thousand years. I could do it again. I had to.

Trying my best to ignore the sogginess of my feet inside my boots, I climbed back down to the living room and removed the wood-framed picture from the wall, the one of my mom holding me as a baby. Underneath it was a small safe, procured for me by my father as a gift, back during my first round as a human, equipped with a lock that would only open for me, no matter what combination was entered.

"Open up baby," I said gently, turning the dial left, then right, then left again. The small door of the safe swung open, but it was only small for a moment. With the distinct cracking sound that only a magic spell can produce, the safe transformed into a full-size metal door, one that I hadn't walked through since putting my royal affairs in order, just after I came back to life. "Time to go home," I said to no one but myself as I entered, and shut the door behind me.

The portal door led to my old house in the Underworld, the one I used to live in with my dad, and later- after mom died- alone. I hadn't stayed there in a long time, but I always passed through on my way to the castle. It looked the same as it always had, with a few extra layers of dust settled on the furniture since my last trip. The décor wasn't my style: muted earth tones and peeling wallpaper and woodland creature knickknacks in the bookcase. It really never struck me as Dad's style either, but I was fairly sure that he just hadn't bothered redecorating after evicting the previous residents from the premises, right after he'd evicted their souls from their bodies, of course. Still, the avocado-green shag carpeting in the sunken living room and the inexplicable framed embroidery depicting various garden vegetables made me feel nostalgic despite the desperate nature of my situation.

Drawing back the burnt orange polyester curtain a few inches, I looked out the window to the castle. I couldn't go back there yet, not the way I was. The vampires would smell me, see that I was no longer one of them. Someone would try to eat me, or start a riot, and I couldn't have that. Before I set foot out of this house, I needed to be turned, by the one vampire I could trust. But first, I needed my dad.

Hastily, I performed the archaic ritual to summon him from the Nightosphere. When he appeared in front of me in a doorway of flames, a familiar knot formed in my stomach that I usually associated with feelings of general inadequacy and unfulfilled expectations. I sighed, and forced a smile onto my face.

"Hey Daddy."

"Marceline," he said with raised eyebrows and a sardonic tone. "This is certainly a surprise. Did we have a brunch date planned? Or do you have some terribly exciting news to share with me from your little suburban corner of the mortal plane?"

I pointed to my bare wrist exaggeratedly. "Look at that, it's a new record. Demeaning my existence with sarcasm in the first five seconds. Real nice, Dad."

He moved his eyes over the room in a bemused way and shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled back and forth on the balls of his feet. "So, to what do I owe this visit? Have you come to your senses and decided to join the world of the immortal once again? Because if that's the case-"

"It is," I said, deciding to get straight to the point before he could insult me into changing my mind out of pure spite.

For the first time in years, I managed to leave my dad speechless, if only for a moment. "Really?" he said when he recovered. "Well, I have to say, I expected this, but not quite so soon. I thought you'd hold out a little longer though. It's only been, what? A year? Two?"

I had to explain somehow, say something to wipe that smug look from his face, but the truth was just too grim. A lie. A lie would be best.

"I went to the doctor and... Look, I'm sick, okay Dad?"

"Sick?" he repeated. "You've never been sick, even when you were a baby. Sick with what?"

I shook my head to try and silence him. "It doesn't matter. There's no getting better, not from what I've got. I thought I could handle being alive, but I didn't count on this. You were right, okay? I wasn't meant for this kind of life. I want to be the way I was."

He gave me a look that was all too familiar. The look managed to tell me that he was relieved I finally stopped being so stubborn, disappointed that I gave up on something I fought so hard for, and-just like I predicted- trying hard to hold back saying "I told you so," all at the same time.

"And your minion? Does he know?"

"His name is Finn, Dad, and he's not my minion, he's my-" I caught myself before I used a term that no longer applied. "Ugh, no, he doesn't know, and he's not going to."

"He'll come after you, you know," Dad said with a chuckle. "That boy's loyalty runs deep. He won't just let you disappear."

It stung, knowing that even the Lord of Evil was aware of Finn's virtue, while I was standing in front of him, compromising my own.

"I know," I said reluctantly. "I was hoping you could help me out with that. Help me lie low for a few years. Just thirty or forty should be long enough."

He let out a sigh and stroked the underside of his chin a few times, thinking. "Well, I suppose I know a few out-of-the-way places. I keep a condo in the Unknown Lands, or there's always the End of the World..."

"Great," I said. "Whatever you think. But I need a vampire to turn me first, and I can't be seen in this state."

"What do you need me to do?" he asked, more sincerely than I expected.

"I need Conrad," I told him. "My attendant. I left him in charge of the day-to-day kingdom business while I was gone. He's the only one who knows I'm human."

Dad looked skeptical. "What makes you think you can trust him?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've been a queen for a thousand years, Dad," I said bitterly. "I know what I'm doing. I sired Conrad myself, when he was just a kid. I've never once had to question his loyalty to me."

"Interesting," Dad said, brushing some dust off his suit jacket in a detached sort of way. "I didn't know you ever sired anyone."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Dad," I said with a sigh. "Maybe if you asked once in a while-" I started, but stopped myself.

He heard what I said though, and looked slightly pained. "Marceline-"

I held up my hand to stop him. "Look, I don't want to get into a big father-daughter thing right now. I need Conrad so that he can turn me, and then I just want to get out of here. Can we do that, please?"

He opened his mouth as if he were about to argue, but quickly shut it again. "Of course," he said, and headed out the front door.

I watched him through the musty curtains as he made his way briskly to the castle. I regretted snapping at him, especially when he was actually being incredibly understanding about my situation. I had expected him to put up more of a fight, or at least gloat a little more, considering I'd just given up on my side of the argument we had when I was first brought back to life. Although I would never admit it to him or anyone, I understood why he fought me so hard about it, why he'd gotten so upset over the fact that I was human again. He thought he would lose me, and not just for a few years over a stupid fight, but for good, the way he lost my mother. Loving a mortal is dangerous business. I could understand that. I'd been there.

I slumped down on the sofa, still tired from the swim, my adrenaline finally wearing off. A cloud of dust rose around me as I sat down though, smelling of mold and death and making me gag. I coughed for several moments until an awful dizziness came over me and I had to scramble to the bathroom to be sick. I hadn't eaten much breakfast, so I mostly ended up dry-heaving miserably while kneeling on the cold tile floor, then eventually leaning back against the wall and staring at the ceiling.

I must have stayed that way for a while, because by the time I finally stood up and cleaned myself up using some hand soap in a dish shaped like a pear and my old toothbrush from the medicine cabinet, I heard the front door open.

"My queen!" Conrad cried and sank to his knees the moment I emerged from the hallway. Dad just rolled his eyes and sat in the old butternut squash-colored armchair and started skimming a copy of the Ooo Review, but I ignored him and smiled at the sight of my favorite little vampire.

"Hey scrimp." I ruffled his dark brown hair and pulled him to his feet. Out of respect, he didn't float, not while I couldn't, and standing on the ground I couldn't help but notice that I was taller than him. He was short for his age when I turned him, a skinny little orphan, starving and alone, fourteen at the time, which was strange to think about since Finn had been two years younger when I first met him. Conrad hadn't been anything like Finn though. He wasn't strong, or brave, and he definitely wasn't a survivor. He'd asked for my help through dry, colorless lips, and I'd given it. Unfortunately, my solution for him meant that he would never be getting any taller.

"How've you been?" I asked, taking his face in my hands. He just looked at me with those dark crimson puppy-dog eyes, full of complete and utter adoration. I couldn't help but smile and plant a kiss on his forehead.

"It's business as usual in the kingdom, Highness," he said, after clearing his throat ceremoniously and straightening his tie. "As you know, it's been a quiet few decades. That little issue we were having with the zombie population was threatening to rear its rotted, decapitated head again, but of course-"

"No, I didn't mean the kingdom," I told him with a smirk. "I meant you. How are you?"

Conrad smiled bashfully. "I've been well, Highness, thank you. Missing your presence in the castle, of course."

I tilted my chin up. "Well, that won't be a problem for much longer."

His lips parted slightly and he raised his eyebrows. "Meaning...?" he asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

"Meaning my business in the world of the living is finished," I said with finality, "at least for the next century or so. I asked my father to bring you here because I need a favor from you, Conrad."

He straightened up and grinned. "Of course, Highness, anything."

_That's my boy, _I thought with more affection than I usually allowed myself. I had been human too long. These emotions were becoming second-nature to me. "I need you to turn me."

My request left him speechless and open-mouthed. I could tell he was holding back an inappropriately joyful reaction. After a moment, the corners of his lips turned up and, and he managed a ragged breath and an anxious nod.

"Good," I said, letting out a breath. It's not as if I doubted that he would agree to do it; I knew he would do anything, kill anyone, even take a stroll on a sunny day if I asked him to, but I felt relieved just the same.

His eyes darted to my father, looking bored in the corner, then back to me. "Daddy? A little privacy please?" I asked.

He grumbled a bit, but folded his paper and stepped out onto the front porch, leaving Conrad and me alone. I sat down on the sofa, and he followed my example, making sure to leave several proprietary inches between us.

"Thanks for doing this, scrimp," I told him. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Conrad bit his lip and looked at the floor. He always looked so young when he was nervous. "Highness, may I speak freely?"

I rolled my eyes and took his hand, lacing his fingers with mine, and he stared at them with furrowed brows. "Conrad," I said, and he looked up at me. "How long have we been together?"

"Nine hundred and forty-four years, this winter," he answered promptly, and I caught the hint of a smile behind his serious expression.

"You are the one and only creature in existence who could say anything to me, and get away with it unharmed," I said with a laugh. "Say what you want to say."

He relaxed his shoulders a bit and his face softened. "You aren't sick," he said plainly.

I sighed. "You aren't wrong."

"So what is it then? Why the change of heart?"

"Don't worry about that," I said, my tone slightly warning. As fond as I was of the kid, this wasn't a line of questioning I wanted to go down with him.

He pursed his lips. "A threat?"

"It won't be a problem after today."

"What about the human?" he asked, a touch of bitterness creeping into his voice.

I swallowed. "He's... no longer an issue."

Conrad closed his eyes and smiled in relief. "Good," he said, and squeezed my hand. "I can't tell you how worried I've been. I was so scared that you'd never come back."

"I've been away a lot longer than this before," I reminded him, even though I knew what he meant.

He shook his head. "But you never changed. You always went off for years at a time, and I never worried because every time you came back you were always my queen. But when I first saw you, like this, I didn't recognize you. It was like I didn't even know you."

His words stung me a little more than I wanted to admit. He was the only person I ever really let my guard completely down with. He knew me like no one else in the world- in any world- better than Finn, better than my father. It didn't hit me until that moment just how much I'd betrayed him by staying human.

_You betray everyone who loves you. _

I ignored the nagging voice in my head and forced a slight smile onto my face. "You'll recognize me again soon," I said, and turned our hands over, palms up, offering my wrist to him.

He looked hungrily at faint blue veins underneath my skin. Conrad, like so many vampires turned after the war, had never tasted human blood. He knew as well as I did that this would be his only chance. His eyes flitted upward to meet mine from underneath those long black eyelashes that added to his child-like beauty. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

Finn's face flashed in my mind for a moment, but I quickly pushed it out and focused on Conrad. I wanted to say "Of course" or "I'm positive" but those words just weren't true, and I couldn't bring myself to lie when he was looking at me the way that he was, full of longing and love, so I just nodded.

He smiled then, and brought my wrist gently up to his lips. I was reminded, not unexpectedly, of the first time, with Nick. Nick, who I was embarrassed to say I actually found charming when I first met him, had snatched me up right after our wedding ceremony and carried me upstairs, then callously thrown me onto his bed and ravaged my neck, nearly draining me dry. It was painful and horrifying and seemed to go on for ages. When it was over, and I came back, I was almost glad at how ruthlessly he'd attacked me. It made it so much easier for me to chop him in half.

Nick's savagery when turning me was probably the reason I was so surprised when Conrad held back from biting the wrist I offered him, and instead turned it back over and pressed his lips against the back of my hand, lingering there for a moment. I was too shocked by the intimacy of the gesture to react, so when he slid his hand up the length of my arm, over the roundness of my shoulder, and finally rested it on the back of my neck, I let him. He closed his eyes, but I kept mine open as he touched his cool lips to mine, and all I could think about was how strange it was that Finn had done this with me when I was a vampire and he'd actually enjoyed it. Of course, maybe it wasn't just the temperature that felt wrong. Conrad was my friend, my confidant, my little brother, my son. I tried to strike that last word from my mind, but it was true. I'd brought him into this world, made him what he was, and loved him like he was my child. I had known for centuries that he loved me in a different way, a way I couldn't reciprocate, but he never spoke of it, never acted on it.

It wasn't a real kiss, not like I was used to with Finn. Finn grabbed onto me every time I went near him, always letting me know exactly what his mood was by the way he kissed me. In the mornings it was playful, kissing my nose and cheeks with still-sleepy eyes before landing on my lips. In the afternoons it was comfortable, loving, and familiar, but somehow not in a boring way. At night he'd bite my bottom lip and let his hands wander, making no secret of how much he wanted me. The boy was an open book.

Conrad on the other hand, gave me nothing more than the ghost of a kiss, as if he knew I'd pull away and he didn't want to give me the chance. I said nothing when he looked at me, his cheeks a slight pink against his deathly pale skin, his eyes locked onto mine as he tilted my head to the side. I hadn't offered him my neck, and he was waiting for permission. It was bold of him, and it wasn't what I wanted, not like this. This way seemed too intimate for us, like he would own me when it was done, like he would be my sire instead of the other way around. I didn't want to belong to him. But, for some reason, I couldn't stand the idea of hurting the kid's feelings, and I just wanted the deed to be over and done with. I gave a slight twitch of a nod, and he smiled, moving his mouth to my neck.

His lips felt colder on my neck than they had on my lips, and I had to suppress a shiver. In the few moments I had left, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on why this had to be done, how it benefited everyone in the long run, but instead I ended up picturing in vivid detail everything I was about to give up. Watching the sunrise from the roof of the tree house. All the different flavors of all my favorite foods. The feelings, as much as I hated how unpredictable they could be, but I'd gotten used to being able to really _feel_.

And Finn, of course. The dummy. The way his hair looked when he first woke up, like birds had been nesting in it, and he never had a clue. His stupid laugh at the worst jokes. The way he wore his emotions on his sleeve when it came to me, always reaching for my hand even when I was being cruel, never holding anything back from me. He loved me and trusted me completely, and _this_ was how I chose to repay him.

_No_, I told myself, waiting for Conrad to sink his teeth into me. _It only feels like betrayal. It's better this way. _One tear managed to make its way past my steely facade and roll down my cheek.

_ I'm sorry Finn._

At that moment, another picture entered my mind, and for the first time I could almost sense the _thing_ I was so terrified of, the _thing_ that had me running. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter and tried to shake the image away, but it only got clearer, like it was right in front of me. And it had Finn's eyes.

"Wait-" I started to say, but I could feel Conrad's excitement, his urgency as he leaned into me, pushing me against the back of the sofa. His blood-lust had taken over, his fangs pressing gently into the tender skin on my neck, savoring the final moment before he took his first taste. I said his name a few times, and tried to wedge a hand between us and push him away, but he repositioned, settling his body between my legs to have more control. He took my wrist and pinned it next to my head, not hard enough to hurt me, but enough so that I wouldn't struggle. He was in predator mode and I was his prey. There was no going back, no changing my mind.

A low growl escaped him as he scraped his teeth up the side of my neck, still not breaking the skin, and he grasped onto my hip with his free hand. Another tear rolled down, and I hated myself for choosing this, for waiting too long to come to my senses, and for turning my sweet little Conrad into this unfamiliar monster, groping at my body and hungry for my blood.

Suddenly, I felt him gasp, and his whole body tensed against mine. I thought for a moment that he'd finally started to feed, but I felt no pain. He drew back from me a few inches, enough for me to see his eyes, darkened by his desire, but also curious. Shocked.

He moved his hand from my hip to my stomach and looked down, tilting his head to one side, then back up to me, alarmed. Without a word, he sank down, kneeling on the floor in front of me and put his ear to my abdomen.

"Conrad," I started, but didn't know what else to say. His vampire hearing told him everything. There was nothing I could say to explain myself.

He looked up at me, his expression a mixture of sadness, surprise, and disgust. "Tell me you didn't know."

I took a deep breath and began trying to smooth down the mess he'd made of his hair.

"Tell me this isn't the reason," he said, ducking his head out of the way.

"Scrimp-"

"Marceline, tell me the truth." His voice was low and serious, and his face no longer resembled the monster he'd transformed into only a few moments ago. The face he wore now was worse. He looked ashamed of me.

"I was scared," I whispered, blinking the tears back this time.

He made his way back up to the sofa next to me and took my hand. "Marceline..." he said, more gently this time. My name sounded strange and foreign on his tongue, like he'd rehearsed how to pronounce it in his mind for years, but never actually said it out loud. "Why?"

"I don't know how to do this, scrimp," I said, the panic evident in my voice. "You said it yourself, I never change. I've got a shiny new face, but I'm the same evil thing that I always have been. Now this disaster gets thrown into my lap and I'm just expected to know how to deal with it?"

"Does the human know?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "What am I supposed to do?"

"This is a human problem," he said with a heavy shrug. "You've spent more time as a human than I ever did."

"That doesn't mean I don't completely suck at it."

He turned toward me and raised my chin up with his cool fingers, like suddenly I was the child and he was the parent. "Do you want the truth?"

I just nodded.

"The truth is that I want you back," he said in a gruff voice that made him sound closer to his true age than ever. "I want to turn you and bring you back to the castle with me where you'll be queen again, and I'll be whatever it is that I am to you, whatever you want me to be, and everything will be like it was." After a pause, he dropped his hand back to his lap and looked at me with wisdom I always forgot he possessed. "But that isn't what you want, is it?"

I looked at Conrad for what felt like a long time, musing over what he would look like if some ancient all-powerful being had magicked him back to life, and he was allowed to grow into a man instead of remaining a scrawny boy for eternity with the eyes of a demon. He might have been handsome. Before, his eyes had been blue. At least, I thought I remembered them being blue. Not that it mattered. He was what he was, what I made him, and he wasn't ever going to change.

Me, on the other hand...

I squeezed his hand and gave him a determined look. "I want to go home."

* * *

><p>By the time I reached the tree house, it was late afternoon and I was sure Finn would be worried sick, and I definitely had some explaining to do. I had taken the long way home after returning from the Underworld, as to avoid the wretched swim, and I kept getting tired and needed to stop and rest. It was infuriating, but I was attempting to call a truce with my body, so I did my best to listen to what it told me to do.<p>

I did what I could to straighten out my disheveled appearance before going inside, combing my fingers through my hair and putting my boots back on, which I'd removed a mile back since it felt like they were massacring my feet. I was pretty sure my face was no longer puffy from all the idiotic crying, but my loathed freckles were likely prominent, considering it was such a sunny day.

I couldn't help holding my breath as I walked in, but Finn wasn't downstairs. I found him up in the kitchen in front of the sink, washing a good amount of blood down the drain. He turned when he heard me.

"Hey, there you are," he said happily, and wrapped a towel around his right arm. He approached me casually and gave me a quick kiss hello. "I was wondering what you were up to."

I raised my eyebrows. _That's it?_ "What happened there?" I asked, gesturing to his arm, trying my best not to look confused by his lack of interrogation.

"Oh man," he said in an exasperated tone, "it was kinda nuts. First I noticed this giant ogre outside laughing maniacally, so I went to go fight him, thinking he'd done something bad, you know? Something..."

"Maniacal?" I offered.

"Right," he said sincerely. "But it turned out he was actually crying, because this huge swarm of pixies had been messing with him all day long, like just wouldn't leave him alone. You know how pixies can be..."

He kept prattling on about the events of his day, while I tuned out, focusing on the shape of his mouth, the angle of his jaw, the pieces of hair the sun had bleached to a lighter shade of blonde than the rest. I wondered which of these traits he'd pass on. His eyes, I hoped. They were a blue that I was sure would never fade from my memory like Conrad's had after so many centuries. They lit up when he got excited about whatever dumb thing entered his brain, and I hated to admit it, but they were much prettier than mine.

I could almost picture it, what it would look like, what I would feel like when I saw it, and suddenly, I felt another surge of guilt for trying to run away. I shook it off though. I had come to my senses, and that was what mattered.

"... chased me into this gross old junkyard, where I tripped over a wire, which set off a booby trap and I was hanging upside down for a really long time. Anyway, I managed to swing low enough to reach a some broken bottles and cut myself free, but my arm landed on the glass when I fell," he finally finished, then reached into his pocket to pull out something black and fuzzy, and held it up under his nose. "Found this sweet mustache though, so it's been a pretty successful day so far."

"Sounds like it," I replied, then removed the towel from his injured arm and helped him bandage it up.

"So how are you feeling?" he asked as I applied that last piece of medical tape to his arm. "Did the doctor figure out what's up with you? Why you're all puke-tastic and tired lately?"

I managed a smile and sat him down on the sofa while he gave me an adorably worried look. "Kiddo, I've got some news."

* * *

><p>By the time Rowan finally made his appearance, I had never felt more human. My constant enemy of a body had betrayed me in ways I never imagined possible- done disgusting, painful, humiliating things, all for the sake of preparing a relatively useless and wrinkle-faced little person to enter the world.<p>

Finn was overjoyed of course, with Jake constantly at his side, slapping him on the back and handing out ludicrous fatherly advice. They both wanted to call him Billy, but I maintained that no son of mine would go by something so ridiculous, and I had to remind Finn several times that Jake didn't get a vote.

"Well what about Joshua?" Finn said as he peered dreamily down at the little bundle of blankets in his arms with only a squishy pink face sticking out, and Jake nodded furiously from behind him. "That was my dad's name."

I shook my head. "If my dad found out we named our kid after your dad and not him, he'd flip."

"Well, maybe we could work your dad's name in there." He paused and tilted his head to one side. "Wait, what _is_ your dad's name?"

I groaned. "Forget it, it wouldn't work. If mortals hear his true name spoken, it makes their eardrums explode. It's a whole bloody mess. Besides, I don't want to name him after anyone else. I don't want him to think he has to live up to some stupid legacy. I just want him to be him, you know?"

Finn smiled, and perched on the edge of the bed next to me. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean," he said, then gave Jake a little nod toward the door, effectively letting him know it was time for him to scram. Jake got the hint, and when he opened the door that led from our small private room into the larger section of the Candy Kingdom's infirmary, we could hear cheers and squeals of excitement when he announced that to the hoards of anxiously waiting candy people that it was a boy.

"He's already famous, just for being your kid," I said, rolling my eyes.

Finn kissed my cheek and handed the bundle off to me, then gently shoved me over a bit and settled down next to me on the bed, resting his head on my shoulder. "That's not such a bad thing," he said. "I think he can handle it."

I breathed a tired laugh and pushed the blanket back from Rowan's head, revealing a mess of black hair. He didn't really look the way I had imagined. He was all squishy cheeks and black eyelashes and red lips, but he was perfect, and he was mine.

_Why did I ever want to run away from you?_ I asked him silently. _What was I so afraid of?_

I knew the answer to that, of course. I had been scared of such an enormous change, scared that I _couldn't_ change, scared that I'd end up letting Finn down and being the worst mother in the history of Ooo. I had wanted to save him from the regret I was sure he'd feel at being tied down to someone as bitter and evil as me.

But I didn't feel bitter. I felt sore and exhausted, especially when I noticed the pattern of Finn's breathing next to me and knew he had fallen asleep. I felt a little strange and surreal, examining Rowan, who I'd already named in my head and Finn could just deal with it whether he liked it or not. But I felt happy. Happy that I was so wrong about everything when I had tried to run away from this life. Happy to be staring at this funny-looking little human, who looked so different than how I'd pictured him, as he yawned at me and stared right back.

I was right about one thing though. He had Finn's eyes.


End file.
